Thoughts Inside My Head..

Things started to change between the two of us. I don’t know when and how it happened, it just dawn on me that he’s not the same anymore. He’s actually a cheerful person, very sweet to the point of being corny, he calls all the time - when he arrived from work, when he woke up, when he’s not busy and sometimes even if he’s busy, he always posts messages and pick - up lines on my fb wall, he is always excited to see me and to talk to me through video call everyday, he never fails to say i love you and i miss you all the time. and then everything stopped.

It happened in a quick flash, like a blink of an eye. His nonstop calls became lesser everyday and then there were days that there were no more phone calls. even the posts/messages he always left on my fb wall were gone too. I soon realized that there is something wrong with him. I soon noticed that he easily got irritated during our long conversations, he’s sometimes yawning and feel very sleepy in front of me during our sessions in skype, and then we started having arguments and misunderstandings everyday.

Maybe there is also something wrong with me, maybe I got too clingy or maybe I got so used to what he’s doing before that I can’t take it off my daily routine. I used to be so proud of him, of his attitude and everything but right now, I don’t know.

We are on our 7th monthsary together. but since our 6months, things started to fade away, our feelings, emotions, excitements towards each other were not the same anymore. We just keep on fighting and irritating each other. Tears were always falling down my cheeks almost everyday. We broke up twice, our 1st was because of some family issue, and the next, it’s about this.

I can’t take it anymore. I feel so stupid. I feel taken for granted and I’m sure as hell that I DON’T DESERVE THIS KIND OF TREATMENT! I did everything I could just to work this relationship. I wasted so many hours, days in front of the computer, chatting with him, talking, posting messages, making sure that despite the distance he will feel my love. But like what they always say, LOVE IS REALLY NOT ENOUGH to keep a relationship going. it needs two people who are both willing to do everything they can to survive all the pain, problems, trials, heartaches, etc., TOGETHER. not just the other partner but THE TWO OF THEM. and this is what’s missing in us.

LOVE IS NOT A FEELING, IT IS A COMMITMENT.

I don’t know, I am in a limbo right now. I know I should end this relationship but I can’t do it because I know I can’t live without him and I know that I love him still despite all of these and I don’t want all my efforts and sacrifices for the past couple of months to be wasted. But at the same time, I wanted him to feel that what he’s doing to me is wrong, that he’s a JERK and an ASSHOLE and that HE SHOULD ROT IN HELL. I wanted to scream on his face everytime he asks if that’s ok with me because HELL NO! I maybe say yes but that’s only a front act. I want him to feel guilty in everything that he did. I wanted him to beg for my attention like what I’m doing for the past weeks, I want him to feel sad and depressed because I don’t pay that much attention to him. I WANT HIM TO CRY AND SUFFER AND TO FEEL DEVASTATED like what I’m feeling right now.

Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

A woman’s worst nightmare is when the guy she loves stops doing the things that made her fall for him in the first place.